Author: Amanda Clover
Published: November 2016
Update: My blog is doing something wonky. This post was originally posted in 4/21. I was moving some other things around and accidentally pressed something bad. Sorry if someone is reading this twice. lol.
HEA: Depends on which ending/s you choose
Wet Panties: 8 of 5. Not even kidding. Do not fuck with me on this. I will fight you.
Review: There is no other way to describe this book but FUN. F. U. N. Period. This book’s sheer brilliance can’t even be contained on this blog post. I can’t even find the words for the sheer greatness I’ve found.
I picked this up all the way back in January. Friends, you know how fast I read. I read over 100 books a year and can usually get through a novel in about 3 days. This book has thousands of pages if you read every single option. I think I got damn close. Either way, it was a way more fun way to spend a weekend reading than War and Peace. I apologize for nothing.
First, let’s talk about the greatness of why there are thousands of pages here. There’s so many pages because it’s a choose your own adventure book for smut. You heard me. Apparently, these are a thing. These should be MORE of a thing. We all liked “choose your own adventure” when we were kids. Now, we get to go along with Melody Applebottom (snicker) as she shows us what a day in her life would be like if we got to do the driving.
Please allow me to run through what I think is the perfect day for our sex kitten. This list of the choices comes after extensive research. It was a dark, horrid job, but someone had to do it. I jumped on the grenade for you all so that you could utilize your time effectively, and I only hope you recognize my sacrifice. So, buckle up as I advise you on how to make the story last as long as possible given the plethora of scenarios.
1st- You have a choice of whether you want to get in the car with Mr Stavros. The answer is “yes. “You get in the car with him to either blow him or fuck him. Just trust me. The other option is say no and, if you do that, you either end up blowing your old guy neighbor or ending up having lesbian sex with the middle-aged lady on your block. All are fun, but trust smuttybooklady will ya? (Sidenote- If you get pulled over by the cop, blow him and move on. Do not fuck him vaginally or you get a fast ending.)
2nd- Finagle it so that you get dropped off at the mini mall. You can usually guarantee this by blowing Mr. Stavros behind the dumpsters and then he’ll drop you off. Go into the laundromat first. There, you will have your choice between a homeless man (just don’t) or to orally pleasure a latino woman. Go with that choice.
#3- When done at the laundromat, go to the mini-mart next door. Just go. The worker there offers you anal sex back by the hotdog stand with the offer of a free hot dog.
#4- Go home and take a bath because you need it.
(Helpful hint- That ain’t whipped cream.)
You need to take a cab. You can have fun with the cab driver, but don’t let him take you home where you will be turned into a sister wife and you’ll cut your ending short trapped in a baby-making sister wife existence.
#5- You fall asleep in the bathtub. This makes sense, since you’ve had a pretty tiring day so far. I’d be tired too. It doesn’t matter which dream sequence you pick while you’re sleeping. Just get through them. They’re all weird.
#6- Choose to spend the evening hanging out with your stepdad.
You see where this is going right?…
#7- DO NOT FUCK YOUR STEPDAD! You can only end up pregnant or causing him to divorce your mom and that ruins the fun! Give him a hand job and then get the fuck up out of there.
#8- Once you get out of the stepdad vortex (you have to be careful there) then go out with your friend where there is an endless supply of options. Bisexual adventures, orgies, lesbian fun, coworkers, are all options. You have everything but the kitchen sink once you get out for the night. I think there’s even some dabbling in a prostitution ring but I can’t remember right now.
After you get out for the night, enjoy the ride and see where it takes you. It’s only when the story ends earlier in the day that your soul feels sad when it ends. Just trust me, get to the evening out and all the stars will align.
Even if you hate this book, but you make it through a few of the scenarios, that’s ok. Because I picture Amanda Clover kind of like this…
Why do I envision her this way? It’s on Kindle Unlimited where authors are paid per page view. Slow clap, Ms. Clover. You’re a god damn genius.
Oh, and spoiler alert….let’s just say, she gets the free hot dog.